i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
