goodnight i made you a song goodbye
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
