I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
