the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
