I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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