Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

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(650): View more from California

you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

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(518): View more from New York

September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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(302): View more from Delaware

Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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(847): View more from Illinois

I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.

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(281): View more from Texas

I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!

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