all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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