I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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