see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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