if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
