Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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