Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
