This is not my ceiling
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
