why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
