im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
