your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
