If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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