I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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