So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
