too bad you live with your parents still
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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