You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
