Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
