Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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