I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
