Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
