i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
