Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
