there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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