I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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