just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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