for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
