Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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