Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
