He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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