i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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