the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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