i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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