Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
