Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
