I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
