Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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