Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
