Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
