Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
