You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
