I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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