You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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