This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
