im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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