When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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