ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
