that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
